“Liam?” I looked over from my spot on the bed and saw Landon standing in my doorway. I sat up quickly.

“Landon!” I said, my surprise obviously showing in my voice. I had gotten the call the day before that he was released from the hospital, but I didn't expect him to be showing up at my house.

I looked over at the uneasily smiling boy and could tell immediately that something was wrong. “What's the matter?” I asked standing up.

Landon crossed the half of the room between us, and collapsed into my arms in tears. I caught him and held onto him as we fell gently onto my bed. I stroked his hair gently as he cried into my chest. Taking a few minutes to look back, I was glad that I had decided against suicide.

Things hadn't gotten much better between me and my dad, but when Brandon knocked on the door and asked if I was almost done in the bathroom, it put some things in perspective. I remembered how much losing Mom had hurt both Brandon and I, and I didn't want to cause that same kind of pain on Brandon again. Dad had enough trouble coping with Mom's death, and I would have felt bad leaving him with more grief that he'd have to live with. Landon, I realized as he cried into my chest, also needed me more than I had previously thought.

“Thanks, Liam,” Landon told me softly after a few minutes. He looked up into my eyes and I could almost feel my heart breaking. He looked so sad. I just wanted to take away his pain.

“No problem, babe.” I said the word before I realized what was popping out, and immediately noticed his small facial twitch at my use of the pet name. I didn't know what that was about. “Please, Landon, tell me what's the matter. I wanna help you, and there's no way that I can do that without knowing what's going on. Is it something to do with your health?”

Landon pulled my arms away from around him, looking sadly down at his feet as he stood up. “No, my health is going to be fine. I mean, not really, but kinda. They don't really know what's gonna happen but I got something screwed up in my brain. But I'll be ok. I just get really dizzy and weak sometimes. No big deal really. That's not what the problem is.” He paced around the room as he said all that, and his voice started getting quicker and quicker as it used to.

“OK, Landon. Just calm down and tell me what is the problem.”

“You wanna know how I ended up in the hospital, don't you?” Landon was the quietest I had ever heard him at this point.

I nodded slowly. “I don't wanna push, but yeah. It's been bugging the shit out of me. It was Kenneth, wasn't it?”

“Liam, if I tell you, you gotta promise not to tell anybody. No matter what.”

“I promise, Landon.” I didn't know what this secret was, but if it was important to Landon, I was determined to keep it.

“And you can't go out looking for revenge.”

“OK, Landon, just tell me.”

“Well, Jake was in detention with me. So we were talking and he invited me back to his place for a while. I thought that we were just gonna go and hang out. I thought it sounded fun. Well, we watched a movie for a bit, and while we were sitting there, Jake came onto me.”

I felt my fingers go cold for a few seconds as I got nervous about what Landon was saying. “Well, we kinda started to mess around. Apparently Tommy didn't know that Jake and I were going to be messing around on the couch, and he got mad. He kinda went ballistic on me.”

“Tommy!?” I yelled in rage. Landon placed his hand on my chest, trying to calm me down.

“You promised not to over-react, Liam.”

I bit my lower lip and tried to calm myself down. “So why were you crying so hard when you came in today?” I asked. “Was it just being attacked?”

“No...I...Liam, Jake and I got pretty far and, well, I cheated on you, and I don't think we can be together now.”

“You...oh.” I felt my face drop when he told me that. “OK, I guess. I mean, I'm grounded anyway. And I didn't even know we were really together.”

“I thought we were.” Landon ran his fingers through his hair awkwardly. “Are we at least still friends?”

“Yeah, I'd like that.” I looked down at my feet, unable to look up into Landon's eyes.

“Well, your dad kinda told me to keep it short. Said you were grounded for being suspended?”

“Yeah,” I responded with a slight blush. “But I'll be back to school tomorrow. Today's my last day of the suspension.”

He nodded, and seemed uncomfortable as he looked at me. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, gaining a small smile from him before he scampered out of my room. I walked over to my computer and deleted the site where Landon's stories were posted from my favorites. I didn't need to go there anymore.

The day after Landon came to my house, I returned to school. The first thing I did was visit the band room and talked with the director. He said that I was still going to be permitted to play in the concert that night. I think his reasoning was a mix of me being the only oboe player and the fact that I had a major solo in the middle of the song which would wreck the song without my presence.

I avoided the cafeteria before school so that I could keep my promise to Landon and not go off on Tommy when I saw him. Just thinking about the fact that he could attack Landon and send him to the hospital made my blood run cold. In first hour Landon asked me to eat outside with him. I wasn't sure if I wanted to eat with Landon after what I guessed was our breakup, but, knowing that he was doing it to keep me away from Tommy, I agreed.

Lunch with Landon was not nearly as awkward as I had imagined it would be. The first few minutes were spent in an odd silence, but soon the two of us were back to talking and joking like old friends. There were a few moments were I found myself losing control of my thoughts and thinking how beautiful Landon looked, but I understood that I needed to reel those in and not think about it. Towards the end of lunch, I thought about inviting him to the concert. I decided against it, however, when I realized that I needed to just cut off our ties of being in a relationship.

“I'm sorry,” I said sheepishly as Kenneth took his seat next to me in Biology.

“About?” he asked. He kept his eyes forward, apparently not wanting to look at me.

“The fight, and assuming that you attacked Landon.”

“So you believe me now?” he asked.

I nodded slowly. “Yeah. I know who did it, and I'm sorry for accusing you.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he responded. I rolled my eyes slightly as the teacher started the lesson, keeping her eyes on us the whole time.

I got off the bus that afternoon and immediately went into my house and up to my room to start getting changed. I had to figure out how to dress myself in a full tuxedo, which had been rented for me by the band, and get over to Riverton High in time to start setting up the equipment for the concert. It took me about a half hour to figure out how all the parts of my suit fit together into something that looked like a tux, and then I was back downstairs.

“I'm ready to go, Dad!”

“What about dinner?” he called out.

“I'll grab something after the concert,” I hollered back. “I'm not hungry.” In reality, that was only half true. I was also too nervous to eat. I didn't know how the R-SALT band was going to play, or how we were going to be received in the predominately straight Riverton High.

“OK, have you got your music and instrument?” he asked as he emerged from his office. I raised the inquired items to show him that I did indeed have them.

Dad walked with me and Brandon to his car, we both climbed into the back seat, and he got into the front. Dad always insisted that Brandon and I both ride in the back seat to show that he didn't give either one of us preferential treatment. That, and Brandon would throw the hissy-fit from hell if I ever tried to sit in the front.

Dad drove to Riverton High and stopped in front of the main entrance. I got out, and he told me that he and Brandon were going to grab a fast food dinner before my performance. I nodded, and they drove off.

I walked in to Riverton High for the first time in months. Admittedly, I was very nervous, but I didn't have any feelings that anything bad would happen. I was only there for a concert. Surely the people of Riverton could respect that.

I went to the gym and set my music and instrument down with my band before deciding that I should use the restroom. I quickly scampered out of the gym and to the familiar location of one of the bathrooms. I stepped up to one of the urinals and, after a small struggle with my tuxedo, started to relieve myself. I froze in terror when I heard the door behind me open and a familiar voice say “I thought we warned you about this, fag.”

I turned around after zipping my fly back up and was afraid, but not surprised, to see the unnamed baseball player who had threatened me a week before standing in the entrance way. “I've got a concert here tonight,” I explained. “I'm not bothering you.”

“This school has been loads better since we got rid of you fags,” he spat. He was in his baseball uniform, apparently fresh off from practice.

“I understand that,” I said, trying to withhold my anger to stop from causing a fight that I knew I could not win. “Trust me, I'd rather not be here.”

“Then get your fruity ass out of here.” He shut the door behind him, and started walking slowly towards me.

“Just let me go,” I said, trying to sound braver than I felt.

The next thing I know, I was pushed backwards into the wall and felt the back of my head split open as it made hard contact with the porcelain wall. I fell to the floor and was met by a knee driven straight into my face. Before I even had time to cough up blood I was pulled up from the floor and had my face dunked unceremoniously into one of the germ-infested toilets in a stall. I sputtered around, trying to get air, until I heard the door once again open.

I felt the baseball player tense up and pull my head from the toilet, before giving a sigh of relief. “Oh, it's just you, Tommy.”

I looked towards the door and saw the very same Tommy who was dating Jake. He looked between our faces, and I saw an internal struggle happen. “Let go of him, OK?”

“Why should I?” my attacked questioned. “Are you taking pity on the fag? Aww, don't tell me you're falling for ‘em being at R-SALT. Is Jake getting your heart?”

“No way, man,” Tommy dismissed. “You know I wouldn't even be with Jake if the little fairy wasn't giving it up to me nightly.”

My face, I'm sure, dropped in shock when I heard that. Was Tommy really only using Jake to get sex? Surely he could have done that with anybody, why pick Jake?

Before I had to much time to think about that, I was pulled back to my feet and had my arms pinned behind me. My attacker offered Tommy the “final shot,” which my one-time friend accepted by walking towards me. He drove his fist hard into my stomach and walked out, leaving my laying on the cold, dirty bathroom floor.

It was a couple of minutes before I was able to finally pull myself off the bathroom floor and look in one of the mirrors. I was shocked and disturbed by the boy who was looking back at me. His face was battered and bloody with scratches all over it. His hair was matted and nasty-looking and he wasn't nearly as handsome as the boy who had left the house just an hour earlier, looking forward to his night.

I cleaned myself up as best as I could, drying my hair quickly with some towels and wiping the blood off as well as could be expected before walking out of the bathroom and back to the main hall. “Oh my god, Liam!” I looked over and saw that Dad was walking in with Brandon holding his hand. “What happened?”

He rushed over to me and started looking me over quickly. “I had a mishap in the bathroom, Dad,” I explained. “I'll be fine.”

“Who did this to you? We gotta get you to the hospital.”

“No, Dad,” I responded, pulling my arm away from him. “I wanna go out there and play the concert.”

“Why?” He asked.

“Because the entire band is depending on me. I don't want to let them down. But, more than that, if I don't go out there and play this concert, they win.”

“Who wins?” I could tell he was completely confused.

“Look, Dad, can I just go play the concert? I'll explain everything afterward. I promise I'm fine.” I tried once again to sound more convincing than I felt.

He paused in thought for a few minutes, then gave me a small, forced smile. “Go play your concert. And kick ass.”

I gave him a forced smile of my own, and quickly hurried back to the band set. Although his smile seemed to be forced, his “kick ass” comment made me feel better. It was a typical ‘Dad’ comment, like he would have made before we had our falling out. After a short discussion with the conductor, we decided that I was going to be able to play the concert, but he was going to allow me to leave early, right after our set was done. The rest of the students would have to stay through the entire program. I took my seat, and within a few minutes, we started to play.

Once we started to play, I was almost instantly lost in the music. That night became the best concert of my life up to that point. I don't know if my attackers were in the audience, in reality I doubted it, but it didn’t really matter. When it got to the point in the second song where I got to play my solo, I felt totally exhilarated. I had won a personal victory tonight. I had survived their vicious attack in the bathroom, and I didn't let it keep me down. I had made it back to the band and was able to make it through my solo almost perfectly. If we hadn’t been on stage in front of a huge crowd of people, I might have done a little victory dance, I felt so good.

At the end of the song, the crowd clapped for us as they did after every song. Our director turned to the audience and held his hand out towards us. As he indicated the band, the applause grew louder. He motioned to me with his hand and I stood up sheepishly. I bowed my head towards the now thunderously applauding audience, a single tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek as I thought to myself, ‘Mom would be proud of me’.

 

This story is Copyright © 2010 by Andy Deats. It cannot be reproduced without express written consent.
The image is Copyright © 2010 by Colin Kelly. It cannot be reproduced without express written consent.
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